Double Wired: Helping Your Child Navigate Life With Both ADHD and Anxiety

If you’re parenting a child who has both ADHD and anxiety, you already know: it’s not a simple combo.

One minute they’re bouncing off the walls, full of energy and ideas. Next, they’re shutting down, refusing to go to school, overwhelmed by a loud cafeteria or a test they’re sure they’ll fail. They need freedom and structure. Stimulation and calm. Encouragement and constant reassurance.

It can feel like parenting two opposite needs in one beautiful, complex child.

And here’s the truth: You’re not imagining it. ADHD and anxiety don’t just coexist; they collide.

Two Fast-Wired Brains, One Overloaded Nervous System

First, let’s decode what’s happening beneath the surface.

  • ADHD is often about under-arousal in certain brain areas, especially those tied to focus, motivation, and impulse control. That’s why these kids crave stimulation: movement, novelty, something new every 30 seconds.

  • Anxiety, on the other hand, is the brain in overdrive, scanning for danger, predicting failure, and fearing judgment. These kids often want less stimulation, not more.

Now, picture both happening at once. That’s “double wired.”

Your child might:

  • Talk non-stop… but panic if called on in class

  • Take risks… but melt down after making a mistake

  • Be wildly active… and yet terrified of disappointing you

  • Constantly seek movement… but freeze when overwhelmed

No wonder it’s exhausting. For them and you.

Why Traditional Strategies Often Fall Flat

If you’ve tried the usual ADHD strategies (like behavior charts, timers, or reward systems) and found them backfiring… this could be why.

Many tools for individuals with ADHD are designed to help them maintain focus. Many tools for anxiety are designed to reduce stimulation. And your child might need both at the same time.

What they really need isn’t just discipline or encouragement. They need regulation. That means:

  • Tools to calm the body, so the mind can catch up

  • Routines that balance structure with choice

  • Environments that feel safe enough to take risks

So What Helps? Practical Support for Both ADHD & Anxiety

Let’s get into what does work. Here are calming, supportive tools and strategies that meet both needs at once, especially for kids between the ages of 6 and 13.

1. Give Their Hands a Job

Fidgeting is not a sign of defiance; it’s how many kids with ADHD think better. But add anxiety to the mix, and that fidgeting becomes frantic, even self-harming (nail-biting, skin-picking, pencil-breaking).

Instead of telling them to stop, give them structured fidget options that ground their senses.

Try:

  • A sensory hoodie with built-in stress balls hidden inside the sleeves, like the Cloud9 Hoodie. It lets kids squeeze to self-soothe while staying focused, without drawing attention or being sent to the principal.

  • Chewelry, textured pencil grips, or a classroom-approved fidget (as long as it’s silent!)

This calms the body's motor system, a direct shortcut to reducing both hyperactivity and anxiety spikes.

2. Build Predictability Into the Day, But Don’t Over-Schedule

Kids with both ADHD and anxiety crave structure, but too much rigidity can overwhelm them. Your goal is to anchor the chaos without creating new stress.

Try this rhythm:

  • Clear morning checklist (with pictures for younger kids)

  • A visual calendar or planner for after school

  • One “must-do” followed by a “you-choose” activity

  • Predictable bedtime cues (same lights, sounds, etc.)

Instead of overloading with plans, prioritize rhythm and recovery.

3. Name Their Feelings Before They Explode

These kids often know they're “off” but struggle to name why. Their frustration can turn into yelling, tears, or a total shutdown.

Co-regulate before you correct.

Try saying:

“Looks like your brain is moving fast and your body’s getting tight. Want to squeeze something or take a reset?”

Or:

“Your body’s doing a lot right now. Let’s help it catch up with your brain.”

This creates emotional vocabulary and models self-awareness without shaming.

4. Make Movement a Regulation Tool, Not a Reward

For many kids, “getting the wiggles out” isn’t a luxury; it’s a biological need. But when movement is only offered as a reward (after they behave, focus, or finish work), they’re being set up to fail.

Integrate small movement breaks:

  • 3-minute trampoline jump

  • Wall push-ups between tasks

  • Desk bands for bouncing feet during homework

Remember: they’re not “hyper,” they’re trying to self-regulate.

5. Reframe “Oppositional” as Overwhelmed

It’s tempting to label resistance as misbehavior. But for kids with ADHD + anxiety, “No!” can be their last defense against overload.

Instead of “Why are you being difficult?” try:

“What feels too big right now?”

Or:

“Let’s shrink the first step.”

Breaking tasks into micro-steps (just one math problem, just one sentence) can melt defiance into cooperation, because it gives back a sense of control.

6. Empower with Tools, Not Threats

Whether it’s school refusal, messy rooms, or sibling fights, remember this isn’t about willpower. It's about a nervous system that’s constantly scanning for danger and stimulation.

The right tools make a real difference:

  • Noise-reducing headphones for classrooms or busy events

  • The Cloud9 Hoodie, which looks like a regular hoodie but secretly offers deep-pressure relief and hidden fidgets

  • A “calm-down kit” they can access on their terms

When kids can access regulation without asking, they feel safer and more in control.

You’re Not Raising a Problem, You’re Supporting a Processor

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Confused. Worried that you’re doing it wrong.

But the truth is: your child is doing a lot of work every single day just to stay regulated. And so are you.

They’re not broken. Their brain just processes the world differently.

What they need isn’t a fix, it’s understanding, the right supports, and a steady adult who believes in their strengths even on the messy days.

So take a breath. Get curious about the behaviors. And when things spiral, remember: it’s not about doing more it’s about doing differently.